Arlecchino Malbenvolio / Community / International Cranberry Coalition

International Cranberry Coalition

.....Right now millions of Cranberries are being torn from their bucolic natural habitat in preparation for ritual slaughter and consumption on Thanksgivings day. Well, does anyone thank the squashed and cooked Cranberries for their untimely death? No. Do the surviving Cranberries benefit from the huge profits made by huge mega-corporations from the deaths of their Cranberry relatives? No. And do the cranberries have any choice? No!

.....The Cranberry has no choice because it is the victim of plans and plots laid by duplicitous hordes of tubers, none other than a Global Conspiracy of Potatoes! One need only look at a Potato to see that anything with that many eyes must be two-faced! We have evidence that this Potato Conspiracy is very real and so low-down they might as well come from under the ground!

.....First hand accounts tell the horrible truth of peaceful aquatic habitats completely shattered. Cranberries are shoved aside or, worse, stepped on, while so-called "Farmers" (read: Potato-Subsidized Death Squads) position themselves for the first step to slaughter. Then, Cranberries are mercilessly sucked up by a vacuum device into a "detrasher" to make sure only the Cranberries suffer this awful fate. These hapless fruits are roughly stripped and forcefully cleaned. Then they are trucked like cattle to market while their lives slip into darkness. It's genocide!

.....The Cranberry is an unsuspecting victim. They are beautiful but soon have their friends slaughtered before their very eyes. Little could our innocent fruity brothers and sisters know that their aquatic home is really a well-oiled machine geared to the destruction of their very lives. Cranberries are kept in cold, wet and muddy concentration camps called "bogs" awaiting their inevitable destruction at the hands of crass commercialism during a season that claims to be about being thankful and good at heart. Oh, the hypocrisy!

.....It is clear that once subtle forces have turned into the angry hammers of suppression. We've been blinded to the war against the peaceful community of Cranberries, but those blinders have been torn asunder. Cranberries represent a threat to the forces that wish to grind us all into the dust under industrial machinery, and the enemy of your enemy is your friend even if it is a plant. By claiming to support a day of contemplation and thanks, the vile forces behind the oppression of the Cranberry, and the Cranberries in their natural egalitarian community, have had free reign to implement egregious murder and terror by force, but this impunity is being disolved by groups dedicated to the rescue of what remains of traditional Cranberry culture. The Global Conspiracy of Potatoes must not be allowed to finalize their plan to destroy the last vestige of the Founding Fathers' vision of an enlightened agrarian society by squashing the Cranberries into the final silence of industrial sealed tin can coffins!

.....With so much fear and death in their lives, no wonder Cranberries are so bitter. Who can blame them? With your help, the Cranberries can rise up against the bigoted tools of oppression!

.....Save a Cranberry, mash the Potato!