Little Nemo apologizes to E.C. for the stolen name
Imperial Bedroom> .Read Forward Nuggets
April Fool's Day '93 10:48:19 AM From Dart God
that's what they used to call my room. how come there are no
messages in any rooms?
April Fool's Day '93 14:15:04 PM From Livia
things have been a bit slow
April Fool's Day '93 22:21:30 PM From Helix Quark
aw, the imperial bed getting cobwebs again?
93Apr02 01:14:39 AM From Livia
93Apr02 15:56:59 PM From Helix Quark
oh, god. did you _have_ to tell me that part?
93Apr03 03:15:57 AM From JayDee
time to nail mattress to wall and bring in fan & heater...
93Apr03 03:31:27 AM From Livia
screws are better
93Apr03 14:38:54 PM From Helix Quark
yes, but we've already established that there aren't any to be had in _your_
I've probably got a few extras LAYING around here somewhere ...
93Apr03 22:09:40 PM From Livia
you know the contents of my bedroom so well, babycakes
93Apr04 12:28:22 PM From Helix Quark
well, I've spent so many hours staring at the walls in total boredom,
stickybuns, that I can't help but have imagined every possible colour to paint
the walls, my little choco-bliss, I like you but you're boring.
93Apr04 15:45:07 PM From Livia
you know you love those little holes in your back
93Apr04 20:23:04 PM From Helix Quark
sure, okay, I kind of like them, but really I wish you weren't so VIOLENT when
you pop my pimples.
93Apr05 02:17:09 AM From Livia
but i love to see all the icky white stuff come out
93Apr06 11:23:01 AM From Helix Quark
well, I kinda like it too, but I really wish you'd stop following me around
and popping them in public ... people are staring to stare.
93Apr06 11:34:23 AM From Livia
true love isn't concerned with what other people think
93Apr07 19:48:42 PM From Helix Quark
oh, well ...
pop me baby, squeeze me til I burst all over your clean summer dress.
(beige? no no antique white ... with a stencil yeah, yeah that's ... )
93Apr07 21:28:46 PM From Livia
i don't wear dresses
so you're safe
93Apr08 07:24:52 AM From Helix Quark
I think that we've grown apart, and altho it pains me, not nearly as much as
that big one you popped the other night but enough, I think that we should
chill a bit.
I guess in a way I was hoping that you'd turn out different. Perhaps
what I saw in you was just potential, perhaps in a few years we can try again,
gosh knows I'll probably have enough pimples ready for you by then, perhaps
another time another place we will have another story. For now, I think we
should try to be just friends, but remember that I'll always have that summer
dress in my closet ready for you if you change your mind.
I need a real woman, not some pants-wearing male-bashing macho fake, to
pop my pimples. I really think you should lose the moustache too ...
93Apr08 17:15:54 PM From Livia
only if you lose the lisp
by the way, i still want my shoes back. and this time, please wipe off the
drool before you return them.
93Apr08 18:03:15 PM From Helix Quark
the lisp is a family heirloom, so forget it.
and you can't have your shoes back, I gave them to a quadraplegic, but
in a little box in the basement I still have the doggie doo that I scraped off
'em when you left 'em here. You can have that back if you want it, which I'm
sure you do. I know how fond you are of rubbing doo in your hair before you go
to bed. I still have trouble sleeping at night after walking in the park, the
memory of your smell haunts me so much that if I even once get a whiff of wet
dog I think of you.
and I wouldn't think of wasting anymore drool on you after what you did
LAST time! Thanks for ruining one of my childhood favorites. I don't think I'll
ever be able to handle having a drink with a bendy straw in it again.
93Apr08 20:05:31 PM From Livia
if you'd been more careful, it wouldn't have have gotten stuck
i think you still owe me for that emergerncy room visit, too
93Apr08 23:40:03 PM From Helix Quark
look it's not _my_ fault that the viscosity of stove-top stuffing breaks down
and I might even have thought about paying you back for the ambulance if you
hadn't of spent the whole trip to the hospital making passes at the paramedic,
and quite frankly I don't blame him for making his partner stop the 'lance and
let him sit in front for the rest of the trip after you made those disgusting
noises with your armpits. Why you insist on thinking that that's attractive is
and if you hadn't have scared the paramedic away, my gurney wouldn't have
rolled over your foot. I'll never forgive you for that, but most of all I'll
never forgive the hospital for putting us in the same room. Talk about hell on
earth! If I never hear another person snore again, it will be too soon ... and
I honestly had no IDEA that anyone while asleep could be so flatuent, but once
again you managed to amaze me ...
93Apr09 04:59:43 AM From Livia
but at least i don't wet the bed
the way you pick your nose and then smear it all over your pillowcase is also
pretty disgusting. especially when it ends up in your hair.
93Apr10 01:51:02 AM From Helix Quark
You never could handle the fact that I'm an avid collector. At least I have a
hobby, unlike you who sits and does nothing all day except plan how to make my
life miserable and my sex life unbelievably dull.
With a lover like you how can anyone blame me for taking up the first
available hobby? I'm lucky I discovered collecting snot when I did, or I would
have gone totally insane being stuck with either that or watching your cottage
cheese thighs jiggle as you uselessly try to paint your toes since for one
thing you're too out of shape to even reach your toes, secondly you're too fat
the even SEE your toes if you ever figured out how to reach them, and third
lime green nail polish has got to be one of the most disgusting colours anyone
could ever think to polish on toes at all. If it weren't for the fact that lime
green coordinates so well with your natural skin colour anyway I say it was
down right obscene, but as it is I'll be happy to settle with saying that YOU
and that comment about wetting the bed is really hitting below the belt. I
can't BELIEVE you would stoop so low, in fact I didn't think you COULD stoop so
low without loosing your balance and falling over like the pillsbury doughboy.
You know full well that it's your damned fault that I wet the bed, if you
hadn't have mistaken my private parts for one of those damned twinkies that you
are constantly eating only half ...
frankly, if you're going to bring that up I'm going to tell everybody about
you and your escapade with the pork and beans last year.
93Apr10 18:06:51 PM From Livia
you must have me confused with your mother
i would have a hard time mistaking your 'private parts" for anything, since
i've never been able to find them. whether there aren't any (your mother
finished off the other half?) or whether they're just too small to see is
something i often wonder about.
and i only wear green nail polish to remind you of the spinach chronically
stuck between your teeth
93Apr10 23:00:32 PM From Helix Quark
my mother still thinks you're wonderful. I'll never understand it, in fact she
called this afternoon to ask if you'd be joining me at the family easter egg
hunt. I can't believe that she'd want you there after the escapade last year.
So help me, I think you deserved to get the egg stuck, serves you right for
trying that little trick in the first place.
and for whatever reason you can't find my parts, thank god they're private, at
least that means you'll be less likely to mangle them in your clumsy and inept
and often painfully calloused hands. but while I keep my parts private, a
lesson I wish you would learn, your grotesque and bloated body parts jiggle and
droop out of your polyester and paisley leisure suit. If fashion had a
nightmare it would have you in it.
and if you learned to cook I wouldn't have to chew my overcooked, tough and
tasteless food three thousand times before having to go thru the effort to
suppress my gag reflex to swallow. The fact that I have food between my teeth
has more to do with the fact that I have to actually work to get it down my
throat than anything else. Of course you don't think twice about chewing food
for hours on end, looking like a cow the whole time. Sometimes I think you
think you _are_ a cow. God knows I'm starting to think it too.
So, what do I tell mom?
93Apr12 00:30:35 AM From JayDee
"Mommie, I did a bad thing"!
93Apr12 04:04:58 AM From Livia
tell her that if she would ever get some professional help for her acute
anorexia, you might have a chance at relating to a normal woman. it was evil
of her to teach you that anything over 88 pounds (and we're talking about a
six-foot-tall woman here) is fat.
you might also tell your father to be a bit more discreet when he's porking
the dog. those agonized howls from the kitchen when we're over there for
dinner really spoil my appetite (what's left of it after watching your mother
nibble her way through two saltines and a diet coke, all the while complaining
about what a fat, disgusting pig she is).
93Apr12 10:52:22 AM From Helix Quark
JD: Yeah, I did do a bad thing, the first time I entered the Iniquious
Bedroom. There was a sound in the heavens marking the moment of my last moment
as a free man, even the memories of that will haunt me forever.
and as for you, you know she's had a tough life. It's not very nice of you to
make fun of her like that. I'm not surprised she needs professional help,
especially after watching you eat every piece of gristle and fat left on the
table and the way you lick everyone's plate clean and pick your teeth with the
bones after you crack them open and slurp down the marrow. God, sometimes I
feel like one of those bones, cracked open and sucked dry.
and how can you say such a thing about my father when you know full well that
the poor dog has a problem with food. As long as I can remember the poor dog
has been having trouble with food stuck in its poor throat. My father is just
trying to help that dog get the piece of milk-bone unstuck. I can remember when
that started, it was just after Mom insisted on separate beds. I can just
imagine that it must have come as a blow to my father when that combined with
when the family dog's condition developed. I think you could be a little more
kind to him too.
and as for _your_ appetite, well frankly I wish something would ruin it.
having to watch you plow thru a table full of food, burping and belching, until
everything is gone, then to see you grinning like a piranha with grease
dripping from your chin, well, frankly, it sends cold shivers up and down my
93Apr12 16:26:44 PM From Livia
better to be obsessed with food than with what it turns into
the way you spend an hour at a time in the bathroom, then come out with dark
brown fingernails and a wet spot on your jeans is just too much for me. and i
really didn't appreciate the way you stored your choicest specimens in the box
with the halloween candy. the shock and horror on the faces of those poor
little kids will haunt me the rest of my life.
93Apr12 23:15:13 PM From Helix Quark
you know full well that I only started that collection for you. I've spent
hours and hours sorting and cataloging so that you'd have the best and the
smoothest to put in your hair, and now all you can do is turn my thoughtfulness
and care around to use against me.
and as for the halloween candy, well, it was a mistake, nobody is perfect ...
a shoebox is much like any other ...
and quite frankly I think that you're suffering from a serious case of
displacement. First you say that my mom is a pig, when obviously you are the
pig. Second you say that I'm obsessed when we both know full well who is the
poophiliac. You're living in a fantasy world, and I'm starting to feel like my
whole life with you has just been part of the ole disney magic. not very
realistic and too damned expensive.
and as for the fingernails, well, I was polishing my shoes. honest.
93Apr13 02:58:30 AM From [life begins] Little Nemo [at the hop]
93Apr13 14:13:28 PM From Livia
hmph. if anyone has displacement problem, it's you. you've been projecting
your own obsessions onto other people since before you were in kindergarten.
which is about the time you developed your morbid fear of soap and water, to
judge by the present-day stink.
93Apr14 00:54:00 AM From Helix Quark
damnit woman, if that you can be called, you are frustrating. That's not fair
bringing up kindergarten, I mean I was so young then and I've changed. Besides,
just because you were my teacher ... those records are SUPPOSED to be
and that soap thing, well, that's a very painful memory for me, and I really
wish you'd not bring it up again. I ... I can't even talk about it. So help me
I'll never leave the bathroom door unlocked while you're in the house.
Speaking of displacement ... what did the doctor say about you going on a
93Apr14 15:09:47 PM From Livia
oh my. it looks like this persistent fantasy of yours about my weight is
getting out of hand. now you're imagining that i consulted some sort of doctor
about it. next, you'll have me going to weight watchers.
but hey, anything that gets me out of the house and away from your stink is ok
93Apr14 21:27:45 PM From Helix Quark
GOOD! Why don't you go out and GET A JOB!
sheesh, I never thought I would see the day when you would actually do
anything other than sit in front of the TV and watch Oprah. If you'll actually
get up and do something for a change, all the power to you and praise the lord
I've been paying your way for so long, and my accounts have been emptyied by
your ravenous desire for every little trinket and toy, that I can't even see
the lowest depth you can sink me to.
I'm in over my head, so please stop hugging me. I need to breathe.
93Apr15 02:53:43 AM From Livia
just don't breathe too deeply unless your arms are tightly held at your sides
i'd be happy to go earn some money. it might pay me back for the way you
spent my life savings on bars and drug dealers, back when we were first
together. (when i actually believed that you had a sizeable inheritance, but
were just having a little "cash flow problem". it flows down your throat and
up your nose, to be sure, but not much of anywhere else. i guess that was the
93Apr15 23:33:04 PM From Helix Quark
When we were first going out? You mean when you robbed the craddle?
I was in first grade for cripesakes. Just after leaving your class in fact.
And as for my cash flow, well what can you expect? My allowance wasn't
quite up to your standards, but at least I was making more than your pitifull
salary as a teacher.
And why you can't get it thru your thick skull that it is perfectly
normal for a young kid to eat candy bars and drink pop ... telling everyboody
that lie about bars and drugs, I mean really!
And that inheretance, you never forgave me for that did you? You never
quite got over the fact that my comic books weren't worth quite as much as
you'd hoped ... well, that's what you get for ruining my life!
You and your rediculous dreams of fortune at my expense ... you should
be ashamed ...
93Apr17 02:25:30 AM From Livia
i should be ashamed to have wasted so many years of my life on a loser like
and while you were indeed enrolled in first grade at the time, having stayed
back 10 years in a row made you not only physically mature (the only kind of
maturity you'll ever attain, obviously), but perfectly legal as well. i think
my original interest in you for you was as much pity as anything else --
watching a room full of six year olds do better than you you in spelling,
reading, basic arithmetic, even in shoe-tieing... well, that look of pained
incomprehension on your face just broke my heart. i had to rescue you from
that humiliation, one way or another. and since i was too professional to just
pass you into second grade (when you were no more qualified for it than you
ever had been), the only other option was to marry you and take you away.
hmph. so much for gratitude.
93Apr17 04:17:40 AM From JayDee
Wow! That was great!
No-wonder she-who spread-for Maven is jealous and believes me to be obsessed
with Livia! Not the last one who-spread for Maven...the one-before.
Cannot mention Maven around her. So I do. Am I cruel? Possibly...
I am learning, yes!
93Apr17 12:38:14 PM From Helix Quark
I _am_ grateful. I mean if it weren't for you typing in all my posts for me
and correcting my bad grammar ... where would I be? Stuck playing with my
crayons and newsprint no doubt.
well, you're right tho I do have a lot of problems even still, but at least I
no longer have any trouble with tying my shoes. Thank god for velcro!
and JD what does my relationship with maven have to do with anything?
Original material is Copyright © 1995 – 2019 J G Bell
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